I *just* made this chicken quesadilla pie yesterday afternoon, and it was so delicious that my planned cookie post for today is being postponed until later this week. The cookies are amazing too, but Mexican food beats cookies any day, at least in my world. I wanted to share this as quickly as possible, so that every single one of you can add it to your dinner plans this week. Seriously. Do it.
Not only is this pie delicious, it's quick and incredibly easy. All you
do is fashion a makeshift crust out of a tortilla, dump in a bunch of
shredded rotisserie chicken, cheese, jalapenos, and cilantro, whisk
together a quick batter that gets poured on top, and bake it for about
20 minutes. It's kind of like a quesadilla crossed with a quiche.
Blammo. You just made yourself an awesome dinner.
This isn't very spicy with the specified amount of jalapenos, so feel free to toss in more if you like your food with a kick. I think that pepper-jack cheese would be a great sub for cheddar if you feel like mixing things up!
Also, a quick Public Service Announcement: I adapted this recipe from one of my favorite cookbooks, The Best Simple Recipes. I've been using this thing like crazy over the past couple months, and everysinglething I've tried from it has turned out perfectly. If you're in the market for quick dinner ideas I could not recommend it more.
Okay. Time to go get my weekly dose of secondhand embarrassment and watch Girls. Have a happy Monday, friends!
Cooking inspiration can come from the most random places.
Several weeks ago, I was watching Girls. Specifically, the episode "One Man's Trash", where Hannah has an affair with a rich, hot, brownstone-owning doctor. While she's sitting in his gorgeous kitchen, she looks around and remarks, "I feel like I'm in a Nancy Meyers movie."
I thought to myself, "Man, I love Nancy Meyers movies. I don't have places to go or things to do. I should watch It's Complicated, then Something's Gotta Give, and then It's Complicated again, all in one evening." So I did. For those of you who aren't familiar with her films, Nancy Meyers is known for her impeccable attention to detail in every tiny aspect of each scene. Every home in her films is stunning and beautifully decorated, but the particular detail that always sticks out to me is - what else? The food.
It's Complicated is definitely the food-porniest of all Meyers' movies. Meryl Streep's character, Jane, plays a chef/bakery owner, and several scenes heavily feature food preparation. From the scene where a slightly stoned Jane makes pain au chocolat from scratch, to her preparation of her ex-husband's favorite meal of roasted chicken, sauteed string beans, mashed potatoes, and double fudge cake in anticipation of their evening rendezvous, to her admission that she makes ice cream (of the lavender-honey variety) when she can't sleep, food is ALL over this movie.
My favorite food-related scene in the movie occurs when Jane prepares Croque Monsieur and a salad for her architect and love interest, played by Steve Martin. She tells him that Croque Monsieur was the first thing she learned to cook for herself when she lived in France. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm pretty sure that one of the first things I learned to cook for myself was grilled cheese. Croque Monsieur is basically grilled cheese on crack. Gruyere, ham, and dijon mustard get sandwiched between slices of white bread, topped with a Mornay sauce and more gruyere, then broiled.
The day I made this, I mentioned over on Facebook that it's really not fair to all the other sandwiches how good this is. This takes about 30 minutes to make. Any quicker, and I'd be in BIG trouble since I pretty much want to eat this every day, while imagining that I'm cooking it in a kitchen painstakingly designed by Ms. Meyers herself. Until I can live inside a Nancy Meyer's movie, I'll settle for just cooking like her characters. Trust me...the rest of that food is coming. Roasting a chicken has been on my culinary to-do list for far too long!
You may be wondering, what the heck is a Snicker-Chip-Doodle?
Allow me to explain.
When a Snickerdoodle and a Chocolate Chip Cookie love one another very much, they hug, and they kiss, and they fool around a little, and in 9 months 8 - 10 minutes they give birth to a Snicker-Chip-Doodle.
That's right. Cookies can get pregnant. Yay science!
Now, these cookies may not look like anything super special. However, they're addictive, and chewy, and chock full of flavor. Plus, they stay soft for eons, which is always a plus when you don't want to house 16 cookies in one day.
Not that I'll judge you if you do that. A Bitchin' Kitchen is a judgment-free zone, at least when it comes to cookie binges.
Who here has played the game two truths and a lie?
Let's play:
Statement #1: Risotto is difficult to make.
Statement #2: Risotto is one of the most delicious foods on the planet and cooking it will impress your cat, your lover, your dentist, and your mom.
Statement #3: Onions are a miracle vegetable that taste like unicorn tears when caramelized low and slow in olive oil.
Statement #1 is most definitely a lie. Since risotto requires constant stirring for 30 minutes, it sometimes gets a bad rep for being difficult or annoying to make. To that I say, preposterous! It's so simple a child could make it. Well, a really patient child who's allowed to play with hot stoves and cook with wine.
This is my favorite version of risotto that I've ever made. As I indicated above, I'm a huge fan of caramelized onions, and could probably eat them straight from the pan and be happy. Instead of doing that, I stirred them into a cheesy risotto, and cried happy tears over my delicious plate of carbohydrates.
I was shockingly successful. I think I only screwed up twice - once at a girlfriend's bridal shower, and once when I completely forgot about Lent in a fit of hunger and ate a bag of peanut M&Ms.
This year I wised up. As some of you probably know, Lent started up again yesterday with Ash Wednesday, and I was smart enough to skip the food related sacrifices. It's just too hard when you write a cooking blog.
Instead of something food related, I gave up liquor and beer. Since I'm single and childless, a lot of my social life unfortunately still revolves around drinking at bars, which will make this somewhat tricky. Fortunately, I didn't give up wine, so I'm just going to look like a fancy, fancy person at bars from now until Easter. Quit giving me the side eye. As one of my favorite Miranda Lambert songs points out, Jesus drank wine too.
On a somewhat related note, did I ever tell you guys about the time I got escorted out of church on Ash Wednesday for disruptive behavior?
I was 4, and it was during Ash Wednesday Mass with my preschool class.
For some ridiculous reason, I found it unacceptable that the ashes were not pink, proceeded to have a meltdown right there during Mass, and had to leave. I'll probably get paid back for that unfortunate episode some day. I'm sure that my future children are going to be a real treat to be around.
Let's discuss this bread now. I adore a sweet, non-yeasted, banana bread as much as the next girl. I love making them to use up overripe bananas, but wanted to do something a bit different this time. I came across this recipe on the King Arthur Flour website, and could not be more pleased with how it turned out.
On its own, this bread is soft and very slightly sweet, with a subtle banana flavor. After making this bread, I decided that it was destined for greater things than just toast, and came up with this sandwich. Take one bite, and you'll feel like Santa Claus. On Prozac. At Disneyland. Getting laid. (Maybe I should give up making Friends references for Lent instead...it has been 9 years.)
I don't know what this sandwich is. Breakfast? Lunch? A weird dessert-wich? It really doesn't matter. Go make it immediately.
This Thursday will be my first Valentine's Day as a single lady in quite a few years. I know a lot of people who aren't in a relationship on this day get bummed out, but seriously, don't. Just don't. Celebrating Valentine's Day as a single person can be equally, if not more fun. Take the money you would have spent on a gift for your significant other and treat yo self to a fancy ass bottle of wine and some chocolate. Drink the bottle, eat all the chocolate, and revel in the fact that you don't have to share a single sip or bite.
Whether you're single or coupled-up this Valentine's Day, you should definitely make these little cheesecakes to celebrate. They're super easy to whip up, and look and taste like you put in way more effort than you actually did. Plus, if you have any Valentine's Day related rage to work out, you get to violently pulverize Teddy Grahams in a food processor to create the crust, which feels fantastically cathartic.
I'm going to keep this short today, because I'm writing this while watching the Grammy's. Specifically, I'm watching that guy from "Fun" bop around in skinny capri pants. Are those a thing for men now? If so, I probably have many single lady Valentine's Days ahead of me, because that is SO not cute.
As a person who loves baking and cooking, there are a lot of garbage foods that people don't expect me to like.
McDonald's Quarter Pounders? Get in my face.
Cool-Whip? Guilty.
Little Debbie Strawberry Shortcake Rolls? Until someone comes up with a way for me to bake these at home, Little Debbie will get two of my hard-earned dollars the one time a year I allow myself to buy these hydrogenated oil-laden treats.
Cake mix is another one of those processed junk foods that I like...kind of. I love that boxed cake mixes bake up consistently fluffy, moist, and light, but I don't love that they don't taste very strongly of chocolate. They just taste sweet, with a barely discernible chocolate flavor.
These cupcakes have all the wonderful qualities of a cake mix - the light, fluffy texture, the moist crumb, and the ability to stand up to a huge mound of frosting, while also actually tasting like real chocolate.
You can certainly make these as basic chocolate cupcakes, but I made them even better by following Emily's instructions to transform these into Salted Caramel Chocolate Cupcakes. The center of the cupcake gets cored out and filled with salted caramel sauce, and then topped with a rich chocolate ganache, and a sprinkling of fleur de sel. If you've been reading my blog for awhile you're probably aware that I'm a HUGE fan of sweet + salty desserts, and these were absolute perfection.
I brought these over to a friend's house for dinner Friday night, and one of the girls there brought a couple cupcakes home to her husband. I got this message from her on Facebook the next day (B = her husband). Sooo, ladies? Make these for the man in your life this Valentine's Day. Just sayin'...
Those of you who have been around for awhile may remember that I explained my complicated relationship with football last year. By complicated relationship, I mean that I want to like it. I really, really do. I just don't. I love the camaraderie of rooting for a team, the fact that football signifies the start of fall, and the excuse to drink beer and eat wings.
I was a marching band geek in high school, and therefore attended about 50 high school football games over my years at Ocean Township High School. Most of my time during those games was spent eating nachos, trying to avoid dropping my flute below the bleachers, and annoying/awkwardly attempting to flirt with the drummers who had the misfortune of being seated in front of me. Unfortunately none of that time was spent cultivating a love for the sport.
Fortunately, I did cultivate a love for game foods of all kinds, and wanted to share a recipe that would be appropriate for Superbowl Sunday. I decided to do something different than the standard dips and wings this year, and I turned to Pam Anderson's (no, not THAT Pam Anderson) Cook without a Book: Meatless Meals.I decided that this recipe would be perfect - and it's a good way to make sure your vegetarian friends don't get left out of the food festivities!
This was my first time making or tasting beer cheese soup, so my Wisconsinite readers will have to tell me if this is even remotely authentic. Authentic or not, it was really tasty, and would be a fantastic addition to a Superbowl spread! I mean, its two main ingredients are beer and cheese. Totally football appropriate. Leftovers reheat surprisingly well for a cheese-based soup, and I have a feeling that keeping this warm in a slow cooker would work splendidly.
You know what's really awesome? I just wrote a whole blog post, and it inexplicably got deleted right as I was about to hit publish.
No, I lied. It's not awesome. It's a giant load of crap, and now I have to remember everything I wanted to tell you guys about these blondies from memory. Here are things I'm good at remembering: birthdays of everyone I knew prior to joining Facebook, lyrics to 90s pop songs, every line ever spoken in Friends, my locker combination from 5th grade (5-11-37, thankyouverymuch), and the password for all 85 email addresses and social media accounts that I attempt to keep track of.
So, basically I can remember ridiculously miniscule details from as far back as 1994, but can't remember what I wrote 30 minutes ago. My brain works in mysterious ways. I just realized that I addressed my very bad memory in my last blog post also. Maybe I need to see a neurologist, but...meh. I get by with day planners and checklists.
I don't even have any of these blondies left with which to console myself, since I made them 2 weeks ago and am just now getting around to sharing the recipe. I actually created this recipe with the sparse collection of ingredients I had on hand, since I didn't feel like venturing out to the grocery store for ingredients. I wasn't sure if they'd be blog-worthy, but they turned out to be shockingly delicious.
They are generously spiced and perfectly chewy, and are topped with a
layer of vanilla buttercream that takes the deliciousness to the next
level. The worst thing you can do to blondies is over-bake them, so
start checking these at the 20 minute mark. I think these would also be amazing with some chopped crystallized ginger mixed into the batter, or even some toasted walnuts. Someone play around with this recipe and report back!
Saturday night, I channeled my inner 80-year old and stayed home for the evening. I drank juice box wine, talked to my sister on the phone for an hour, watched old episodes of What Not to Wear, and read the Smitten Kitchen Cookbook from cover to cover. It was glorious. I also got sucked into a really bizarre Wikipedia vortex that resulted in me reading about obscenity laws in America...don't even ask. Clearly, my New Year's resolution to use my free time more productively is not going very well.
Apparently, these seemingly mundane activities got the creative juices flowing in my brain, and I woke up at 3 a.m. on Sunday morning with a really funny idea for a blog post. Usually, when I wake up in the middle of the night with an idea, I send myself an email from my phone and deal with it in the morning. However, I must have fallen asleep again too quickly to email myself, and now I forget what I wanted to write about. I remember that I had an awesome idea, but I have no clue what it was. I am so stinkin' pissed right now. Just know, it was really, really good, but probably super weird since it came to me in a dream. I've been rendered completely incapable of remembering things on my own, without the aid of technology. Awesome.
Let's move forward and discuss these wraps. This chicken salad is outstanding. Who knew that putting loads of green onions and cilantro in chicken salad would take it from good to great? This is usually where I'd try to convince cilantro haters to just taste it one more time, but I recently learned that cilantro hatred is actually genetic. Apparently, those of you who hate cilantro have a gene that makes it taste like soap! That makes me very sad for you, because I think cilantro tastes like unicorns, pug puppies, and angels are having a wildly delicious fiesta in my mouth. To each their own.
The chicken salad gets wrapped up with a generous amount of extra-sharp cheddar, and then the wrap is toasted in a skillet. The wrap gets crispy, the cheese gets melty, and lunchtime nirvana is yours.
Usually when I bake something, it's for a specific event, a party, or someone's birthday. I didn't make these for any of those reasons. I made these cookies on a complete whim, for no reason at all, after finding Sally's recipe via Pinterest last Wednesday. As far as whims go, this one worked out extremely well for me. Whims that have not worked out well for me in the past can be filed under the categories of: tequila shots [subcategory: epic embarrassment], haircut [subcategory: bangs], and kissing [subcategory: former coworker]. Whims involving cookies usually turn out much more favorably.
These cookies are a peanut butter lover's DREAM. In addition
to a hefty scoop of peanut butter, these contain honey roasted peanuts,
peanut butter baking chips, AND miniature peanut butter cups. I was a little unsure about how I'd like the honey roasted peanuts in this recipe, but they add such a nice crunch to an otherwise super soft cookie. These stay
soft and chewy for days, and bake up nice and thick! In case I haven't convinced you to make these already, I'll also mention that you only need to dirty one bowl for this recipe!
I still have a lot of these left as I type this (sadly, woman cannot live on cookies alone) and I'm already thinking of ways to switch things up the next time I make these. I may add some Reese's Pieces, or peanut M&Ms. Or both. Oh boy...I think I got diabetes just thinking about that combination.
For those of you who aren't in the know, the newest season of one of the best shows ever started up again last night. That's right, The Bachelor.
Judge away, my friends - if you don't watch, you're missing out on one of the most glorious products of modern day television. Surely, most of you know the premise of The Bachelor, but in case you're a dude, or live in a country that doesn't televise this show, I'll summarize it for you: one handsome man and 25 beautiful women come together in a competition to find true love. Unintentional hilarity ensues. I don't watch sports unless there are appetizers and beer involved, so my desire to see televised competition is primarily satisfied by ABC's biannual train wreck.
Ladies, if you're single, prepare to feel really good about yourself, as many of these women fall firmly into what Barney Stinson refers to as the Shelly Gillespie Zone. I mean, one of these gals got hammered and attempted to reenact scenes from 50 Shades of Grey with a dude she just met. The entire time I was watching, I kept thinking "man, what would my mom say if I went on television and behaved like this?" At the end of the episode, Miss 50 Shades looks into the camera and says "don't be mad mom." Honey, I assure you that mad is an understatement for what your mother is probably feeling. The Bachelor himself, Sean, actually seems like a quality human being, so hopefully his final selection is among the non-wackadoos.
Anyway, episodes of The Bachelor are two hours a pop, so I decided to get myself some wine and make a big, hearty dinner to go along with it. This recipe isn't reinventing the wheel - it's a basic spaghetti and meatballs recipe, but it's hands down the best one I've ever tried. Most spaghetti and meatball recipes that I've tried call for simmering the meatballs in the sauce until they're cooked through, but I realized that frying the meatballs first makes a tremendous difference in flavor. Additionally, I will never go back to making meatballs with just ground beef. These contain both pork and beef, which is infinitely more delicious. This will be my go-to meatball recipe from now on!
Happy New Year everyone! The past 2 years I've kicked off January with a healthy recipe, so I'm continuing the tradition in 2013 with this awesome vegetarian chili. I would seriously cry and go on a hunger-strike if the only way to eat healthy was to eat a plain nasty chicken breast and some steamed broccoli. Eating boring, flavorless food is no way to go through life.
Fortunately, this chili is made up of major health foods like veggies and beans, but it's so hearty and flavorful that you completely forget you're getting a huge dose of nutrition.
Right now, many of you reading are probably nursing champagne hangovers from last night, and want nothing more than to faceplant into a sack of Five Guys cheeseburgers. Do that today, make this tomorrow. This chili takes 25 minutes to throw together, makes delicious leftovers, and is made with pantry staples. I bet many of you have all the ingredients on hand right now!
It started when my family arrived in town last Friday for Christmas Part One. I ate ribs, brisket, and macaroni and cheese like I had never seen food before in my life. My food coma worsened when when I traveled up to New Jersey for Christmas Part Two, where I proceeded to make beef tenderloin and creamed spinach my bitch.
Yesterday, I made the bright decision to eat a burrito for lunch and General Tso's chicken for dinner. I can only get my favorite burritos when I'm in New Jersey - food coma or not, it had to happen. I cannot justify the General Tso's.
Right now, food seems as appealing as walking down 14th Street butt-ass naked at rush hour, but I'm going to attempt to talk to you about this pizza that I made a couple weeks ago anyway.
A friend of mine started a book club last month, and served a super tasty Thai chicken pizza at our inaugural meeting. I craved peanut sauce on a daily basis for about 3 weeks after, and finally gave in to my craving and made this for dinner. You can definitely use a ball of pre-made pizza dough if you're in a time crunch, however, I think that making the homemade kind is fun (and bonus, incredibly cheap!) I used to be afraid of cooking with yeast because it seems so temperamental. This is a good recipe to start with if you are yeast-phobic. It's basically impossible to mess up if you follow the directions and don't make your water too hot!
I just wrote and deleted a whole post because it was super boring. Instead, I've decided to take the easy way out and share some of my favorite Christmas things on the interwebs. This is the last recipe I'll be posting until after Christmas. For those
of you that celebrate, have a safe and Merry Christmas! For those of
you that don't, enjoy the day off work!
3. One of my favorite ladies of YouTube makes up a Christmas drinking game:
4. This video of Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, and Mariah singing All I Want For Christmas Is You (using classroom instruments!):
5. This bread. Yes, I included something I made on my list of awesome Christmas things. Oh my gosh. I don't know if my gushing will do it justice. It's totally Christmasey and delicious. Pears, cranberries, walnuts, and spices are brought together here for a super moist, super flavorful quick bread that needs to be on your breakfast table Christmas morning. I have tons of bread recipes on here because they're one of my favorite things to make, and I think this is my new favorite.
When I was a kid, Annie and I started getting revved up for Christmas in September. We went through a 5-Step Christmas spirit program, unintentionally designed to test the patience of our parents.
Step 1:
Blast Christmas cassette tapes on repeat. The ones full of really annoying Christmas songs such as the Twelve Days of Christmas (no good music involves counting, see also, 99 Bottles of Beer), The Little Drummer Boy (lovely message, but if I wanted to hear someone make instrument noises with their mouth I'd listen to a cappella), and The Chipmunk Song (if you need an explanation as to why this one sucks, I cannot help you) work best.
Step 2:
Re-decorate the basement with paper snowflakes and red and green construction paper chains. Who cares that your parents spent thousands of dollars waterproofing and finishing the basement? It looks great when decorated with garbage.
Step 3:
Time for Christmas movies! Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph, and A Christmas Story are best when watched thrice weekly beginning Labor Day weekend. Don't forget to watch videos of your Santa visits of years past.
Step 4:
Make your parents rue the day they signed you up for piano lessons. Subject everyone to Christmas music performances, complete with vocal accompaniment from Annie.
Step 5:
Rummage around in the mailbox on a daily basis until you've assembled the ultimate Christmas catalog trifecta: the JCPenney Christmas Big Book, the FAO Schwarz Catalog, and the American Girl Catalog. Since Santa buys the gifts, think nothing of greedily dog-earring half the pages in each catalog. Silently ponder what the 6-foot tall stack of boxes hidden under a sheet in the utility room contained, but continue to believe in Santa until you're 11 anyway. (Don't be a hater; I was a trusting child. And maaaaybe a little behind in the deductive reasoning department.)
(Apologies to my other sister who is 8.5 years my
junior for excluding you here...by the time you had the dexterity to
make paper snowflakes, I was a surly teenager who wanted to sleep in
Christmas morning.)
I get into the Christmas spirit much later in the year in my old age, but with arguably equal intensity. My "psych myself up for Christmas" methodology has significantly changed and matured over the years. For example...
Old traditions like paper-chain making with Annie have been replaced by new ones such as our annual Christmas Eve-Eve ritual of wrapping presents while drinking rum from teacups. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
While my parents are still very generous to me and my sisters at Christmas, I now love buying them gifts just as much as I once loved circling clothes in the American Girl catalog that would best suit Felicity Merriman's gingery-complexion.
However, no amount of Christmas shopping or rum-drinking gets me in the holiday spirit more than putting on Christmas music, and making a batch of cookies. Do you put together a cookie tray at Christmas? These would be perfect a perfect addition. They're a simple chocolate cookie rolled in pecans, filled with caramel, and drizzled with more chocolate. After eating a few of these I found that a sprinkling of fleur de sel makes these even better, so feel free to add that before the caramel sets! Speaking of the caramel, it doesn't harden completely. The best way I can describe its final consistency is to compare it to peanut butter. Soft, but not pourable. In other words, perfect.
If you're looking for other Christmas baking ideas, look no further, as I have pulled some recipes from my archives:
So, remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned that I was going to Mixed Conference courtesy of the nice people at Lucky Leaf? Due to a last minute work obligation, I sadly couldn't make it to the conference, however, I still wanted to share what I created with one of Lucky Leaf's tasty products.
Blueberry and lemon is probably my favorite flavor combination next to peanut butter and chocolate. I know blueberries are a bit out of season right now, but I couldn't resist using them in conjunction with some of Lucky Leaf's lemon pie filling. I came up with this insanely easy trifle recipe, and you don't even need to turn on your oven to make it. What you're looking at here is a layer of crunchy, cinnamon and almond graham cracker streusel, fresh blueberries, a super-lemony no-bake cheesecake filling, and cubes of moist pound cake. All of these flavors and textures work together so deliciously that I inhaled my jar of trifle in about 90 seconds flat.
I have a minor obsession with consuming food and drinks from mason jars. Beer, iced tea, and all kinds of desserts simply taste better when consumed from one. It's science. Depending on the size of your
mason jars, this makes about 8 servings. You can also make it a full-sized dessert in a regular trifle dish
if desired, but it will be less delicious.
It's been a busy couple weeks in Maggie-land, but I am back with a stupidly easy pasta recipe for you today. I'm the absolute worst at cooking dinner for myself when things get busy, but this takes 15 minutes of your life, and makes two perfect and super-cheesy portions.
Speaking of cheese, I got in a fight involving a plate of cheese fries this weekend. I'm not usually a fighter. When people are jerks to me, I typically don't know how I want to react to the situation until 3 hours later, at which point it's way too late to give the person a piece of my mind. This weekend, that all changed.
On Saturday, my group of friends and I did a Christmas-themed bar crawl through Arlington, VA. We go every December, and it's possibly one of the most fun events we do all year. People get super into it with ugly sweaters and Christmas costumes (including Ralphie in the pink bunny suit from A Christmas Story and Cousin Eddie, bathrobe and all.)
Annie comes down from New Jersey every year for this event, and at some point on Saturday we randomly decided that we wanted cheese fries. We were at the last bar on the crawl, and finally order a plate of the delicious snack we've been jonesing for all day. There was no server for the bar tables we were standing at with Ralphie and Cousin Eddie, so I went up to the bar myself to retrieve the fries and deposit them at our table, and then ran back to the bar to grab plates and napkins. When I return, two dudes who I have never met before in my life are standing there chowing down on our fries. I will call them Lutz, because cheese-fry thief #1 looked like Lutz from 30 Rock, and Jacques, because cheese-fry thief #2 happened to be French.
Now, I didn't jump right into yelling at Lutz and Jacques without first making it explicitly clear that a) I did not know them, b) have no interest in sharing my food with grubby-fingered strangers, and c) wanted them to stop eating immediately. Well, Jacques made the grave error of informing me that they would order a second round. I informed them that the fries weren't the point. The point was, I thought it was weird and rude that they would come up to a stranger's table and start eating their food. Meanwhile, Lutz continued to hoover my fries like a crazed wildebeest. In the interest of brevity, here's a video loosely depicting what occurred next:
As it turns out, yelling finally clarified my stance on strangers eating my bar snack, and Lutz and Jacques skulked off to another table.
I was still perturbed about the interaction, but ready to move on, when one of my friends stops by the table to inquire what happened. She says, "umm, Lutz says to tell you you're a bitch."
No me gusta.
I marched over to their table and proceeded to yell at them for a good 3 minutes while they cowered in terror. I was so furious that I don't remember specific details of what I yelled, but Annie informed me after the fact that she could tell by my articulate yelling that I was an English major.
Lessons to take from this story:
a. Don't eat a stranger's cheese fries.
b. Don't argue with an English major; she will destroy you using only her words.
c. Don't call a girl a bitch unless you want to experience the true definition of the word.
d. Standing up for yourself and not letting jerks walk all over you feels awesome.
I never really need an excuse to eat spicy food, but if I did, the horrible cold I've had for a few days that has reduced me to a mouth-breathing crybaby is a really good one. I rarely get sick, so when I do, I'm completely miserable. When cold medicine fails to relieve my congestion, I turn to my favorite sinus clearing ingredients like sriracha, jalapenos, and canned chipotles in adobo.
Fortunately, my cold coincided with my discovery of Chrissy Teigen's hilarious blog So Delushious. Am I living under a rock? Have you guys been reading her blog all this time? For those of you who are equally clueless, she's the gorgeous Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, who also happens to be engaged to John Legend. Oh yeah, and she's in culinary school. I basically read her blog from start to finish in a day, and noticed that she mentioned this chipotle marinade half a dozen times. Needless to say, I dragged my sneezing, congested self to the grocery store and immediately bought all the ingredients for this delicious meal.
I'd consider this marinade on the milder side of spicy, so if you're not a spice fiend, don't be afraid! Also, I beg you to make this with the chicken thighs as specified, and not boneless skinless chicken breasts. I know that's the go-to piece of chicken for most people, but thighs are infinitely more flavorful and juicy and soak up this marinade like it's their job. By the way, since this marinade contains vodka, you can easily freeze it without it turning into a block of ice! I'm really wishing I'd doubled the recipe below and stored half in the freezer myself!
You know the scene in The Boondock Saints where David Della Rocco launches into an impressive stream of profanity, after the brothers kill a bunch of people? (Here's a clip. Probably NSFW unless you work with people who curse a LOT.)
Well, imagine me in that scene instead of Rocco, and instead of me being surrounded by dead bodies, imagine wet slippery potatoes and hot oil. Allow me to explain...this recipe was a colossal pain in the butt to make. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm 100% Shiksa and trying to make Hanukkah food, and the majority of my knowledge about the holiday came from watching Rugrats. I made the biggest mess I have ever made while cooking. Potato skins and shreds were everywhere. I somehow went through an entire roll of paper towels. My bad, Earth. At one point I caught air when I skidded on an oil slick. To be fair, these aren't hard to make, they're just super messy. I literally dropped no less than 47 f-bombs during the time it took me to make these. Much like Rocco, I effectively illustrated the diversity of the word, and probably terrified and offended my neighbors in the process.
However, much like a mother forgets the pain of childbirth (or so I'm told) and is willing to do it again because babies are awesome, I've already forgotten the spectacular mess of making these, and would do it again in a heartbeat. I love these latkes, like they are my greasy, carb-filled spawn. Those of you who have actually given birth may hate me now for comparing the pain of latke making to baby birthing.
Like many things I cook, the desire to make these at home first came about a year ago, when I had some truly terrible latkes at a diner. I don't think the cook had ever eaten a latke in his life, because there were literally shreds of potato mixed into a traditional pancake batter. What the heck is that? Not edible, I can tell you that much. These latkes, however, are more than just edible. They are phenomenal. They're perfectly crisp, and with barely any filler to hold together the potatoes, they are not remotely in danger of tasting like the monstrosity I had at the aforementioned diner.
I know everyone is probably still stuffed from Thanksgiving festivities yesterday, but I highly recommend that you make a little more room in your stomach for a batch of these.
For the applesauce:
1 cup chunky applesauce
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 tablespoon packed light brown sugar
1 tablespoon granulated sugar
1 teaspoon ground ginger
For the latkes:
4 Russet Potatoes, scrubbed and peeled
1 yellow onion, minced
3 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons fresh chives, minced
1 garlic clove, minced
Kosher salt and pepper
Oil for frying (I used half canola and half olive)
Preheat the oven to 200 degrees. Place a wire rack on a rimmed baking sheet, and set aside.
Mix together the sauce ingredients in separate bowls. Place in the refrigerator while you prepare the latkes.
Fill a large bowl with cold water. Using the large holes on a grater, shred the peeled potatoes into the water. Using a fine mesh sieve, drain the potatoes in batches, and rinse under cold running water. Drain again thoroughly, pressing against the sieve to remove as much water from the potatoes as possible. In batches, transfer the potatoes to a clean kitchen towel. Squeeze to remove even more water, and then place the potato shreds in a large bowl.
Place the minced onion into a double layer of paper towels, and gently squeeze to remove the moisture. Add the onions to the bowl. Add the eggs, flour, chives, and garlic. Salt and pepper the mixture, and stir to mix well. I didn't precisely measure how much salt and pepper I used, and the original recipe did not specify an amount. It's really hard to over-salt potatoes in my opinion. Taste one of the latkes after you fry up the first round, and if it needs more salt add it in - that's what I did.
In a large frying pan, heat 1/2 inch of oil over medium heat. Depending on your stove, it will take about 5 minutes to get hot enough for frying. To test it, drop a tiny bit of latke mixture in, and if it immediately starts sizzling, you're good to go. Using your hands, scoop up some potato mixture and form into into a golf ball size ball. Squeeze it over the sink to remove excess moisture. Gently flatten the ball into a pancake as thin as possible. Place into the hot oil, and repeat for 2-3 more latkes. Cook for 2-3 minutes per side, until golden brown. Transfer the cooked latkes to the wire rack, and place in the preheated oven to keep warm. Repeat with the remaining potato mixture until all latkes are cooked. Serve immediately with the sauces. I think I got 17 latkes out of this that were about 2.5-3 inches in diameter each.
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Source: Adapted from This is a Cookbook: Recipes For Real Lifeby Max & Eli Sussman. (Great cookbook in case you were wondering - a lot of simple recipes, written by two very funny, adorable guys who I now have a creepy cookbook crush on.)
. I've been using this thing like crazy over the past couple months, and every single thing I've tried from it has turned out perfectly. If you're in the market for quick dinner ideas I could not recommend it more. 
I decided that this recipe would be perfect - and it's a good way to make sure your vegetarian friends don't get left out of the food festivities!
by Max & Eli Sussman. (Great cookbook in case you were wondering - a lot of simple recipes, written by two very funny, adorable guys who I now have a creepy cookbook crush on.)